Monday, February 2, 2015

What Does Beau Know?

Groundhog Day
"Let me in! It's cold out here!"
This is Guiness the Cat.

I'd like to know who General Beauregard Lee thinks he is.

That overgrown rodent works one day a year. The rest of the time, he apparently lounges around his white-columned mansion at the Yellow River Game Ranch in Lilburn, Georgia, watching PBS nature shows via his own personal satellite dish.

Why should he get his own holiday? I am a much more productive member of society.

 Personally, I think he's been spending his time watching something besides nature shows. He claims that since he didn't see his shadow, it's going to be an early spring.

That's the same thing the rodent said last year.

He lied.

Like any good TV weatherman, Beauregard Lee gets paid well to be wrong.

I don't care that the critter has been declared an honorary Doctor of Weather Prognostication by the University of Georgia, or that Georgia State University made him an honorary Doctor of Southern Groundology.

Honorary doctorates are what they give to people (and groundhogs) too lazy to go actually learn stuff.

I pondered for awhile on why they call this obese rodent a groundhog, anyway, since he bears no resemblance to bacon other than being a ham. I have come to the conclusion that it's because this fat squirrel, who is afraid of his own shadow, hogged all the acorns on the ground.

I suppose anybody that fat ought to be afraid of their own shadow.

It's cold outside. I think I'll snuggle up on my human and watch "Groundhog Day". Need a copy of the DVD? (This is a referral link.)

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

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Content (c) 2015 by Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved, and all that other stuff humans say.

Photo (c) 2015 by Debbi Craton. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.

8 comments:

  1. Hi Guiness. I know what you mean about those privileged groundhogs. Here in Connecticut we have Chuckles. Some years Chuckles is a female and some years a male. That I don't understand. But whatever, Chuckles did predict 6 more weeks of winter and my mom is really not happy. She hates winter. Time for another nap. Your prettiest friend, Mildred the Cat.

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    1. Dear Mildred the Cat,

      What do those overgrown squirrels know? I think they should turn the job over to cats.

      Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

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  2. Hi Guiness. No groundhogs better show up on my property. I would dispatch them quickly to groundhog heaven. Your friend in California, Sarah.

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    1. Dear Sarah the Cat,

      I've seen the video of how you handled that lizard. I'm sure a groundhog would be no problem for you. Give purrs to Garfield for me.

      Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

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  3. Guiness, if they used a cat for predicting the end of winter, the forecast would be much more favorable! Look at how wrong Beau was this year!

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    1. Cats would be much better at it. And if the weather was not to our liking, we'd be up for returning it for a refund! Sincerely, Guiness the Cat.

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  4. We don't have groundhogs here in NZ - we use the weather map. If the weather comes from the direction of Australia - it's usually rain in winter or hot wind in summer. If it comes from the Pacific Islands, it's usually a tropical storm, if the arrows come from the Antartic, it's an icy cold wind. Who needs a rodent!

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    1. This is Guiness the Cat. We do sort of the same thing in Georgia, except our bad weather usually comes from the state of Alabama.

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