Thursday, October 30, 2014

Help Me Celebrate National Black Cat Day, by Guiness the Cat

Help Me Celebrate National Black Cat Day, by Guiness the Cat

Hello, I am Guiness the Cat, and today is a very, very special day. It's National Black Cat Day!

Okay, okay. It's National Black Cat Day in the UK, but in the spirit of international cooperation and friendship, I'm perfectly happy to observe such an awesome holiday from another country. After all, I do have catblogging friends in the UK, and a party is a party.

And there's no reason in the world why any of my international kitty friends and their humans shouldn't celebrate the US's Black Cat Appreciation Day on October 17, either. It doesn't matter that it has already passed. I live with Debbi after all. I'm used to doing things late.

National Black Cat Day

National Black Cat Day is the annual campaign of the organization Cats Protection to celebrate black and black-and-white cats. Cats Protection is the leading feline welfare charity in the UK. They help thousands of kitties every year.

According to the Cats Protection blog, black and black-and-white cats make up about half of the cats in their care, and they wait much longer than other cats to find a forever home.

National Black Cat Day


I personally don't think that's fair. Black cats are absolutely wonderful bosses to be employed by. Just ask Debbi.

You can find the Cats Protection website here. And be sure to check out the history of National Black Cat Day here.

If you like to look at pictures of adorable black kitties (like me!), you can find lots of them on Cats Protection Facebook and Twitter pages.

So help me celebrate National Black Cat Day. It's a great day to pet a black cat. If you don't have one, please think about adopting one. There are lots of special kitties who are looking for a special human to love.

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat



The Guiness Blog by Guiness the Cat


***

Content (c) 2014 by Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved, and all that other stuff humans say.
Photos (c) 2014 by Debbi Craton. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.



Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Happy National Cat Day From Guiness the Cat!

The Guiness Blog by Guiness the Cat

Hello, this is me, Guiness the Cat, wishing everyone a very happy National Cat Day.

Like we really need an excuse to celebrate cats. Seriously? Cats are awesome every day of the year. Just ask us!

Guiness the Cat

National Cat Day on October 29 is not to be confused with International Cat Day on August 8, National Feral Cat Day on October 16, Black Cat Appreciation Day on October 17, National Black Cat Day on October 30 (I really like those two!), and the entire months of February, which is Cat Appreciation Month, and October, which is Black Cat Awareness Month. (I really like that one, too!)

Seriously, you didn't think you could get all your celebrating of cats done in just one day, did you?

Happy National Cat Day From Guiness the Cat
After all, look at all that just me and my friends at the Professional Cat Bloggers Association do for you:

We educate. We amuse. We enlighten. We entertain.

We inspire. We supervise. We nag. We empathize.

Okay, so we nag more that we empathize. You can't say humans don't need it.



Guiness the Cat

We lower your blood pressure. We get you out of bed in the morning. We comment on how you're not doing things according to our standards. We keep your lap warm. We are your go-to source for all your cat hair needs. We make life worthwhile.



And then we write about how we make your life worthwhile. Well, sometimes we write about all the goofy things you do, but mostly we like to write about ourselves. We are cats, after all.

Guiness the Cat

So go pet a kitty, grab something to eat, and then take a nap. Seriously, how did you expect to celebrate National Cat Day?










Guiness the Cat



***

Content (c) 2014 by Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved, and all that other stuff humans say.

Photo (c) 2014 by Debbi Craton. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.


Friday, September 19, 2014

Reviews by Guiness the Cat: My Cool New Box

Reviews by Guiness the Cat: My Cool New Box

Guiness the CatHello, this is Guiness the Cat with some very exciting news! As you can see from the photos, I have an awesome new camera box from Amazon.com!

I have really been enjoying this new box today since I finally got Debbi to get all that camera junk out of it. The box is a deluxe model, and fits perfectly, with plenty of room to reposition, but yet small enough to be all nice and cozy. I just might like the Canon camera box even better than either my new microwave box or my new vacuum cleaner box. But I probably need to sleep on that some more.

And as an added bonus, the box is sitting in the chair I'm not supposed to get on! Score!

Reviews by Guiness the Cat: My Cool New Box
Comes complete with dual adjustable awnings ...

I do admit that I like the box better when the awning is down. But Debbi had this silly notion that it was in the way of the photographs.

And it was much more comfortable laying on all those little white puffy things. It was like sleeping on a thousand little pillows. I don't know why Debbi took them away from me.

Reviews by Guiness the Cat: My Cool New Box
... and a thousand or more fluffy white miniature pillows.
As an added bonus, tiny pieces of them will stick to your fur by magic and drive your human nutty.

All in all, I give this camera box a resounding two paws up! I highly recommend this model for every cat. Go to Amazon and order one for yourself today!

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat, Box Expert

P.S. Debbi takes much better pictures of me with the new camera than she does with her cell phone.

***

Content (c) 2014 by Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved, and all that other stuff humans say.

Photo (c) 2014 by Debbi Craton. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.



Monday, August 18, 2014

How to Baffle Your Human #843 (A Tutorial Mostly for Dogs Because Cats Already Have This One Covered)


Hello, all you curious kitties and clueless puppies out there. This is Guiness the Cat here to impart more of my feline wisdom.

While looking through some of my posts on Bubblews to see which were missing photos after a recent website redesign removed many of my marvelous mugs, I ran across this goody: "The Guiness Blog: Yet Another Way to Baffle Your Human". I reread it and said to myself, "Guiness, you silly kitty, why in the world did you write that for cats? Cats just instinctively know how to do this stuff."

So I said back to myself (because it's very rude not to reply to someone who is talking to you, not to mention kind of pointless anyway to talk to someone who's not going to talk back), "Well, Guiness, who would benefit from such a tutorial?"

The answer immediately came to me: Dogs.

Not that dogs aren't baffling. I just don't think they know how to do it on purpose like we cats do.

So here is my revised tutorial along with the pictures that were attached to my original masterpiece.



How to Baffle Your Human #843
Try this one at home, pups. (I'll try to use simple words, but feel free to ask questions if there's something you don't understand. I'm used to writing for intelligent cats and semi-intelligent humans.)



1. Pick a wall, any wall. It's more baffling if it's a boring wall.

2. Stare straight at the wall from a distance of no less than four inches. (If you can't count that high, just touch the wall with your nose. That will work fine. Just don't drool on it or the human will make you move.)

3. Keep staring until your human comes to see what you're looking at. Then keep staring some more.


4. Now look away and repeat the following in your head. Don't say it out loud. You don't want the humans to know what you're doing. Ready? "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten."




5. Resume staring at the wall. (That means do it some more.) Think about macroeconomics. Yes, I know you don't know what macroeconomics is, but by the time that you figure out that you don't have a clue, a minute or two will have passed. Do not dwell on macroeconomics or the human will lose interest. Their attention span isn't much longer than yours.




6. Glance in another direction for as long as it takes to say "Cats rule, dogs, well, you know." You can say that out loud if you want to. The human will find it very baffling that you think that.

7. If the human asks, "Dogs, well, you know what?", do NOT answer them. You do not want to distract either the human or yourself. Remember, your main focus is supposed to be the wall.


8. Stare at the wall again.

9. Look away and say "Cats rule, dogs, well, you know" again.





10. Look back at the wall.

11. Repeat #2-10 as needed until the human is going batty trying to figure out why you keep staring at the wall, and why you keep saying that cats rule. By this time, they probably will be taking pictures. Encourage this as much as possible, especially if they happen to be using one of those old-timey cameras that use film.

12. Continue as long as your attention span and that of your human can hold out.

It's a very simple trick, but remember, if you don't understand something or my words were too big, please leave a comment with your question and I'll try to explain it more fundamentally. If you need help with commenting, try dictating your question to the cat or parrot or gerbil of the house and let them type it for you.

Sincerely, your guru, Guiness the Cat

***
Content (c) 2014 by Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved, and all that stuff.

Photos (c) 2014 Debbi Craton. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Debbi Did Not Take Me to Ruby Tuesday, and I'm Not Happy About It



This is Guiness the Cat.

Debbi went to Ruby Tuesday the other day, and she did not take me. Personally, I find that very rude.

I am not happy about this, not happy at all. You'd think she could have at least brought me home a kitty bag, but no. And do you know why?

Because she ate it all. I didn't even get so much as a shrimp tail to lick.

Debbi says that's because the shrimp didn't have tails, but I'm not sure I'm believing that.

And then she goes to Kroger and buys chocolate milk, corn, and bread. Excuse me? Kitties don't eat chocolate, and I happen to be on a low carb diet. I don't eat bread, and I don't eat corn on the cob--although if she would slather it with butter, I'd be happy to lick it off for her.

Anyway, you can read more about it here:




Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

***

Content (c) 2014 by Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved, and all that stuff.
Photo (c) 2014 Debbi Craton. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Debbi and I are Writing for Persona Paper Now!



This is Guiness the Cat.

Debbi and I have found a new writing site that we like a lot. It's called Persona Paper, and it is a lot of fun to write there.

Maybe a little too fun. They gave Debbi italics and font colors to play with. This could get a little out of hand. I mean, just look at her blog after all. They don't know what they're in for.

Here's my new profile page. You can just ignore the fact that it doesn't have my name on it.



Persona Paper is a brand new website that our friend Barb told us about. We met Barb at Bubblews and she's become a really good friend of ours. You'd like Barb. Barb is a sweet Christian lady who is a good writer and likes cats and books. She likes other things, too, like flowers and stuff, but that's beside the point. She takes purty pictures even though she's never taken any pictures of me. You should go read some of her stuff, and not just because she says nice things about me sometimes.



So come on over and see us and give a new website a little support.

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat


 


Saturday, August 2, 2014

I am Not a Big Black Blob


This is Guiness. One good thing about having all these suddenly homeless Bubblews pictures to rescue is that it gives me the opportunity to take them back from Debbi and tell things the RIGHT way, not the Debbi way.

For instance, she keeps claiming that I turn into a big black blob in photos.




I am not a big black blob. Debbi just takes bad pictures.



She says I have no contrast.

Debbi is the one who keeps taking contrast-less pictures. It's all her fault.




She goes on and on about what a beautiful kitty Norma was, and how easy it was to take all these perfect pictures of her.

To that, I would say pphhbbtpbt if I knew how to spell it.

What's so great about tabbies anyway?




Like in this picture. Debbi claims Norma had recurring dreams of being a hula dancer. Hmmph. And what did she call me? A big black blob.

I am not a big black blob.








I am not a big black blob in a chair.






I am not a big black blob on the porch.

 



I am not a big black blob in a bag.

I am not a big black blob.


Sincerely,

Guiness the Cat

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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

How to NOT Take a Picture of a Cat in the Snow


Hello, this is Guiness the Cat.

Debbi and I are still working on posting to our blogs all those photos from this past winter that disappeared from Bubblews during a website redesign, and we come now to some memories I'd really rather erase from my mind. Debbi said she would handle these pictures, but I said, no way was she going to slander me all over again over on her blog the way she did on Bubblews. Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. I'm calling the shots this time.

You may recall seeing on TV that ridiculous event January 28, 2014 where all that cold, wet stuff fell from the sky on Georgia and all those silly humans who should have been at home minding their own business (like I was) all got stranded on the roads for 24 hours. If you didn't see it on TV, that probably means you were one of those silly humans stuck in your car.

Well, Debbi's commute is from the bed to the computer, so she didn't have to worry about that, and as for me, I'm a cat, so I'm much too smart to be out in that mess to begin with, so we were fine. Debbi thought she was a kid (she's not), and wanted to keep going outside to take pictures of the snow. I just wanted it to go away.

Debbi said all she wanted was one good picture of her cat in the snow.

There is no such thing as a good picture of a cat in the snow. Especially if that cat is me!

So as soon as the snow started sticking, she took me out and plopped me down at the other end of the walk.

Albert Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. (I know that because I am very smart and I read a lot.) Ladies and gentlemen, I give you photographic proof of insanity. You can click on the picture to make them bigger.

Note that none of the pictures are over by the driveway where she dumped me in the snow.


11:24 a.m. Tuesday
2:25 p.m.
2:26 p.m.







11:24 a.m. Tuesday





11:25 a.m.




11:25 a.m.




11:26 a.m.
2:24 p.m.





2:24 p.m.





2:34 p.m. Wednesday






































5:21 p.m.












































6:31 p.m.










Are we detecting any patterns here?

You can read Debbi's version of the story here, but I really don't recommend it:


From Facebook Photos to Snow Jam 2014


Sincerely, Guiness the Cat





(Hey, Debbi, how many more of these winter pictures do we have to do? I'm ready for spring.)

Photos and content (c) 2014 by Debbi Craton and Guiness the Cat. May not be used without permission. All rights reserved.

Of Christmas Past Part 2


Guiness the Cat

Hello, it's Guiness the Cat. Merry Christmas in July again!

If you remember in my last post, I started sharing all those pictures from Christmas 2006 of me and Norma and Nanny and Pa's feet that Debbi was so sad about when they all got vaporized from her Christmas series during the Bubblews website redesign.

They're really cute pictures of us (but then most pictures of us are). Just remember, I've lost a lot of weight since seven and a half years ago. Now that I've laid off the kitty junk food, I'm just right. (Remember to hover over the pictures for more of my opinions about them.)



Guiness the Cat
See all these pretty ornaments? Many of the them were gifts to Nanny from children who had been in her Sunday School class. Some of them came from Debbi's Sunday School and piano students.
All the kids adored Nanny. Most of them like Debbi okay, too, I guess.
Norma the Cat
Nanny would have a cow if she knew Debbi posted a picture of her sock feet.

Norma the Cat
Norma was so pretty.

Norma the Cat
Silent Night


Guiness the Cat
I really don't have all that fuzzy gray. That's just the way light reflects off me sometimes.


Guiness the Cat
The Christmas Queen
 
Guiness the Cat and Norma the Cat
That ridiculous bow makes me look more like a ballerina than a Christmas present.
I am not a ballerina.

 
Guiness the Cat and Norma the Cat
I heard Norma ask Debbi, "What is that dingbat doing?"
I think she was talking about me.
I don't know why.

 
Guiness the Cat and Norma the Cat
A perfect Christmas card shot.

Here are what's left of the original posts. If you came here from there, thanks for coming to look at our pictures. Merry Christmas.


Christmas Past Part 3

Christmas Past Part 4

 

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

(Now to see if I can talk Debbi into going Outside where it's summer.)