The Guiness Blog (How it All Started)

The Guiness Blog, Guiness the Cat

Originally published on Bubblews February 6, 2014

Hi, this is Guiness the Cat. You may know me as the brains and the beauty behind this whole Old Roads Once Traveled thing.

If not, you've been sorely under-informed.

My secretary/executive assistant seems to think that she ought to have some time off today--like it's her birthday or something--and that I ought to write some posts myself. All the other cute cats do it, she says. I ought to earn my keep, she says.

I already make more money than she does anyway. Honestly. Some humans are just so lazy.

First, she went back to bed after cleaning up the hairball I puked up this morning. She says she's going to have to wash the cushion from the computer chair now, but is it in the washer yet? I think not.

Then she laid in bed for awhile after the alarm went off for shot time, and went back to sleep again! Not only was I late for my insulin and my treats, I was late for brunch, which made me late for my morning nap. How inconsiderate can you get?

I guess she's getting old.

Then she tells me I ought to clean up the living room before my girlfriends get here later today. I like my girlfriends. The smaller one likes to call me Fluffy Kitty and give me treats. And the last time her mom came in to sit during her piano lesson, I decided to help myself to her lap and got some good petting while I got cat hair all over her. But I see no reason to clean up the living room for them.

Debbi seems to think that I should be the one to pick up all the coupons and the mail off the floor since I'm the one who put them there. Seriously, if she doesn't want papers all over the floor, she shouldn't leave them on my coffee table. Let her pick them up herself.

And what's with this idea that I should do the laundry and wash the dishes? So what if part of it is mine?

And there is more stuff on the floor to sweep up than just cat hair, you know.

Honestly, people are so lazy. Frittering away the morning in bed, then going on and on about what she's going to eat. Like people should just give her free food just because it's her birthday or something. Honestly.

Some people just have such an attitude of entitlement.

Mittens, Mildred, and all you other blogging kitties, I don't know how you put up with it. And stop being so cute! I'm tired of hearing about how wonderful all of you are.

Sincerely, Guiness the Cat


  1. It's astonishing the expectations of some of these humans. Mine had a birthday last week and thought she should sleep in rather than feed my on time. I was not amused and sat on her chest and purred in her face until she got up.. - Morpheus

    1. Dear Morpheus,

      Humans have such a sense of entitlement sometimes. Don't they know that's a cat's prerogative?

      Sincerely, Guiness the Cat

  2. So now I know the whole story. You have told all. Now you know why I haven't committed to being a cat's assistant. Oh, I hand out a treat to a visiting feline on a regular basis, but that really doesn't count. I can sleep as late as I want.

    1. This is Guiness the Cat. But you just don't understand how fulfilling it is to get out of bed to clean up cat puke.